From The South End of A North Bound Camel | Lord Jesus Save Me Now!

I'm home from work today, and have at last been plowed under by the horrors of winter time. I feel like, well, read the title...

And this morning, around 11, having at last managed to fling myself from my bed, I made way to the grocery store. A long and perilous journey, this was, as I walked across the street, and entered the Giant, directly across from my house...

Colds for me mean one thing, and one thing only. Chilis. And some sort of meat. So, two things really, but I don't count very well. It's just something a programmer never does.

So, anywho, I think you can best call this Cajun Pot Roast with Roasted Potatoes. And that's an estimation mind you. I do know that my brother cried out to his redeemer when he took his first bite, but "Oh God" is a little dramatic for a recipe title, wouldn't you say?

You'll need:

1 Chuck Roast. I didn't pay attention to how big. It was on sale for like 6 bucks. Sue me.

1 Can Beef Broth/Stock
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped celery
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper
3-4 cloves garlic, chopped
4 strips of chopped peppercorn bacon.
2 tbls Olive Oil
1/2 cup of Orzo Pasta
Oh yeah, a crap load of tabasco. Because we're going for SPICY!!!!!

Also,
5 Potatoes

Put olive oil on pot on medium heat. Add bacon and render down. When the bacon is cooked, add the trinity (onion, celery, pepper). We want a good browning going on here - fusion of UNCLEAN bacon grease and standard cajun flavoring. You will weep, I promise you. And not because of the onions.

When you're satisfied, throw in the garlic. Cook for about a minute or two, we don't want to overcook the garlic, because that's just unpleasant.

Remove the contents of the pot to a plate or some other container. i.e. set aside

Turn burner to medium high. Brown the chuck roast on all sides, or rather, as best as you can manage, because its not exactly easy to handle inside the pot...

When we've got a good char on that puppy, add in the beef broth/stock and the trinity/UNCLEANpork/garlic made earlier. Pump in as much tabasco as you can handle, wuss. Turn burner down to low. As in as low as she'll go and still cook it.

Now, sit on your ass for 4 hours.

When hour 4 arrives, peel or wash the potatoes (up to you). Chop into eights and toss with some olive oil, salt, pepper, and minced garlic. Lay out on a baking sheet and bake in the oven for 1 hour at 350`.

At 4 and a half hours, add the orzo to the pot and stir. The smell should make you want to cry.

When hour 5 arrives, prepare to swoon.

Pull out the meat and shred with a fork. Add back to the pot. Now, take out the taters put them in the pot. Stir.

Put in bowl. Eat. Mop up left over goodness with crusty french bread. Praise the Almighty. For cows, for taters, for Cajuns, for your roommate being away so you can eat bacon, and, as perverse as it sounds, for being sicker 'en snot. Why else engage in such extravagance?

P.S. - On a side note, this whole thing cost me 7 or 8 bucks. You should always stock onions, celery, bell pepper, garlic, and pasta. So I only paid for the meat ($6-7) and the can of stock ($1).

Also, I still feel like what comes out of the south end of a north bound camel, but now I'm at least a little chipper, ya know?

Now, where's the 'tussin?

Lunch Today - Eggs and Gorgonzola

Food born out of laziness is rarely a bad thing, unless you're one of those guys who thinks the four food groups are beer, pasta, white sauce, and red sauce. In that case, have another beer, and goto another blog.

So, I'm lazy, on the lamb from work, and here's what I put together:

Slice a sandwich sized chink off of a loaf of french bread.
Fry up three eggs over easy.
Crumble some gorgonzola.

Sice sammich bread in half, toast. Butter. Splash with tobasco.

Throw the eggs in. Cover eggs in blue cheeze. Enjoy.

I like the quickies.

All Brown Pies Are Not The Same | How to Convert a Tater Hater

Your average Sweet Potato Pie is a Pumpkin pie without the mushy texture -- or so I have been told. The truth is a little different, of course.

I once performed an act of kindness for a woman at work. As a reward, I was presented with the merest sliver of her mother's "famous" sweet potato pie. My astonishment was twofold - I had no idea people made pies out of sweet potatoes, and second, it was mighty tasty... And didn't taste like candied yams. It was subtle and, dare I say it, nuanced. It was the culinary equivalent of being kissed by an angel. It was pie as a religious experience. Sadly, I was denied the recipe. And denied a bigger slice to boot. Big meanie.

An idea was planted, nonetheless, and years later came to fruition.

So, for Thanksgiving, my sister, uncouth heathen that she is, requested candied yams. Now, being something of a royal shit, I couldn't just make candied yams. One, because I hate them, and two, because it just was beneath me. It just wouldn't do,you see. But candied yam pie? That has potential.

What follows is the recipe I concocted, or at least as much of the recipe that I could remember. I am no fan of the recipe concept, you see. Too many directions.

Anyhoo, this is what you'll need:

2 tbl Maple Syrup
1 tbl Bourbon (I used Jack -- on account of not wanting to waster the Maker's Mark on pie)
3 tbl Praline Liquor (I get mine from Schneider’s of Capitol Hill)
Sweet Potatoes (2 large ones should do)
1 Egg, slightly beaten
1/3 Brown Sugar (plus a little more for sprinkling)
1/4 regular sugar
1/3 cup of water
1 tbl butter
Mini Marshmallows
Pie Shell

I cheated and used a frozen pie shell. I'm lazy, what can I say. Make one from scratch if it turns your toes.

Bake the sweet potatoes in the oven for an hour at 400', or until fork tender. Set aside to cool. We'll come back to them. Go ahead and turn off the oven.

Half way through the sweet potatoes' baking cycle, get out a small pot and pour the 1/3 cup of water in and bring to a boil. Add the brown and white sugar and stir to mix. When the sugar dissolves and you get a nice syrup going, add the maple syrup, bourbon, and praline liquor. Add the butter and stir until it is melted and mixed. Set aside to cool.

If you have a frozen pie shell, now would be a good time to thaw.

Peel and mash the sweet potatoes. If you have a hand mixer, or, lucky you, a stand mixer, feel free to whip the taters for a lighter, fluffier pie.

Once we have the potatoes at a consistency you fancy, stir (or whip, natch) in the syrup made earlier. Now add the egg to bind it, so we don't have tater puree pie.

Bake for an hour at 400'. 10 minutes before the end, take it out and sprinkle with the mini marshmallows and more brown sugar. Stick it back in to finish for the last ten minutes, or until the marshmallows look golden brown and tasty.

Très savoureux, mon ami.

Feel free to modify the recipe(suggestion) as much as you like.

I made two of these. One I gave to my sister, and another that I took to a church gathering of sorts. There I encountered a man who was steadfast in his hatred of 'brown pies.' I begged him to try the pie (which was actually more of a reddish color really), and upon relenting, he discovered that his hatred of brown pie was foolish and silly. The pie was a flat out hit. Even the house full of Seventh Day Cultists loved it.

The Praline gives it a Pecan Pie flavor, and the Maple Syrup gives it a little 'Hey Now!' And the bourbon is in there nuance, baby. Enjoy.

Cornbread - Ain't Nothing Wrong With That

This one's for my sister, the one shacked up with the cooky Seventh Day Adventist (those who have trouble keeping the 10 commandments but try very had to keep the other 628 or so).

Anyhoo, on with the show...

One must always have a cast iron skillet. Failing that, you must admit to yourself that you are not a foodie. Go here and look. Isn't that a thing of beauty? I have two. The one I grew up with (#1), and the one I was given when I became a man (#2 - The Deuce).

Now, when my family moved down south, the Old Man decided that he didn't want to take the skillet with him. Why? God only knows... the Old Man has never made any sense. Now, his odd mental processes notwithstanding, the point is I made off with the black beauty. And its been baconlicious ever since. I haven't even unpacked the Deuce. Call me crazy.

This is why I couldn't - and you shouldn't - be shacked up with some religious zealot. I need my cheap, ancient cookware smothered in pork fat. That's right. The Demon PORK. Evil, isn't it? Just screams heart attack. Just screams UNCLEAN. UNCLEAN PORK.

Not to get all, you know, biblical or anything, but if you actually read the Bible (the book of Acts), there's this whole bit about St. Peter having a vision about eating unclean food (re: PORK). And if St. Peter can do it, I'm sure a certain house full of weird cultists who can't keep their pants on can too. But that's just my opinion. And that of the Catholic church. And a goodly number of Protestant churches. And maybe even the Greeks. Jews and Muslims don't count. No, Tim, they don't.

Right, well, I had an... inclination to perform acts of excess. Like making cornbread in my PORK FAT FILLED skillet. Now, the Old Man used to make cornbread with cheese and peppers, so, knowing I can always do better than my father, I decided to take it a step further.

I made a test run with shredded Pepper Jack cheese, just to reacquaint myself with the patented cornbread in the skillet technique. Thereby burning the shit out of the cornbread cause I had the skillet on too high. See what drinking gets you?

Now, charred crust in hand, I was able to determine proper cooking time and temperature. And in the end of experiment #1, I learned two things : 1) Turn the burner down, moron, and 2) More Cheese is ALWAYS BETTER.

So, experiment #2. Or, when the Reformed Vegetarian is away, the BACON COMES INTO PLAY.

With the fan on high, so that a certain Irish lady wouldn't kill me, and burner on medium, I fried up some chopped UNCLEAN BACON made from UNCLEAN PORK. Once the UNCLEAN BACON rendered, I added a can of chopped chilies. (I use fresh, but I'm often inebriated. And lazy). I then swirled the chilies around to soak up some UNCLEAN PORK FAT. Having achieved this act of UNCLEAN evil, I mixed the cornbread batter. How? By following the directions on the corn meal packet. Its cornbread, not ettoufee'.

Right, well, I added the cheese, in chunks this time, and stirred real good like, and threw it the skillet. Only to discover that the UNCLEAN PORK went to the sides of the batter. So I had to stir it a little to get the UNCLEAN bacon to mix better. I let it sit on the burner a little to set the crust, and threw the whole thing in the oven to, as it is said, git er done.

Then, about 5 minutes before it was done, I put butter and chopped up pepper jack on the top. And my cholesterol shot through the roof.

And I just wanted to thank my nephew's father for inspiring this act of evil.

DOGMA - It's What's For Dinner!

Death and Rebirth : Fire Sucks

NullSkull.com is kaputs. My life is now meaningless, once again. Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah blah.

i.e. Welcome to my new digital home, or at least, my free space until I get a server in a flame retardant suit. Of course, since I never posted to NullSkull... not much a difference, eh? Well, that's just the French in me, I suppose. Gave up the battle before it began.

Now, on to food.