Cornbread - Ain't Nothing Wrong With That

This one's for my sister, the one shacked up with the cooky Seventh Day Adventist (those who have trouble keeping the 10 commandments but try very had to keep the other 628 or so).

Anyhoo, on with the show...

One must always have a cast iron skillet. Failing that, you must admit to yourself that you are not a foodie. Go here and look. Isn't that a thing of beauty? I have two. The one I grew up with (#1), and the one I was given when I became a man (#2 - The Deuce).

Now, when my family moved down south, the Old Man decided that he didn't want to take the skillet with him. Why? God only knows... the Old Man has never made any sense. Now, his odd mental processes notwithstanding, the point is I made off with the black beauty. And its been baconlicious ever since. I haven't even unpacked the Deuce. Call me crazy.

This is why I couldn't - and you shouldn't - be shacked up with some religious zealot. I need my cheap, ancient cookware smothered in pork fat. That's right. The Demon PORK. Evil, isn't it? Just screams heart attack. Just screams UNCLEAN. UNCLEAN PORK.

Not to get all, you know, biblical or anything, but if you actually read the Bible (the book of Acts), there's this whole bit about St. Peter having a vision about eating unclean food (re: PORK). And if St. Peter can do it, I'm sure a certain house full of weird cultists who can't keep their pants on can too. But that's just my opinion. And that of the Catholic church. And a goodly number of Protestant churches. And maybe even the Greeks. Jews and Muslims don't count. No, Tim, they don't.

Right, well, I had an... inclination to perform acts of excess. Like making cornbread in my PORK FAT FILLED skillet. Now, the Old Man used to make cornbread with cheese and peppers, so, knowing I can always do better than my father, I decided to take it a step further.

I made a test run with shredded Pepper Jack cheese, just to reacquaint myself with the patented cornbread in the skillet technique. Thereby burning the shit out of the cornbread cause I had the skillet on too high. See what drinking gets you?

Now, charred crust in hand, I was able to determine proper cooking time and temperature. And in the end of experiment #1, I learned two things : 1) Turn the burner down, moron, and 2) More Cheese is ALWAYS BETTER.

So, experiment #2. Or, when the Reformed Vegetarian is away, the BACON COMES INTO PLAY.

With the fan on high, so that a certain Irish lady wouldn't kill me, and burner on medium, I fried up some chopped UNCLEAN BACON made from UNCLEAN PORK. Once the UNCLEAN BACON rendered, I added a can of chopped chilies. (I use fresh, but I'm often inebriated. And lazy). I then swirled the chilies around to soak up some UNCLEAN PORK FAT. Having achieved this act of UNCLEAN evil, I mixed the cornbread batter. How? By following the directions on the corn meal packet. Its cornbread, not ettoufee'.

Right, well, I added the cheese, in chunks this time, and stirred real good like, and threw it the skillet. Only to discover that the UNCLEAN PORK went to the sides of the batter. So I had to stir it a little to get the UNCLEAN bacon to mix better. I let it sit on the burner a little to set the crust, and threw the whole thing in the oven to, as it is said, git er done.

Then, about 5 minutes before it was done, I put butter and chopped up pepper jack on the top. And my cholesterol shot through the roof.

And I just wanted to thank my nephew's father for inspiring this act of evil.

DOGMA - It's What's For Dinner!